Afraid of Me
by Sari1995
Summary: Youngling Sari is alone, even when surrounded by her fellow younglings. Everybody, even her instructors are afraid of her. Well, not everybody. But will Bow be able to help her overcome the fear that people have for her? Or will she always be feared?


"What about her?" I asked Master Waya as we were about to leave the training room.

"She's …" Master Waya hesitated. "She's the one that I was talking to you about Bow."

I looked at the child again. Her hair was a pretty light brown and it fell to about her shoulders. Her eyes were a royal blue color, but they would have looked better without the sorrow … She didn't look like a half Sith. She looked like any other youngling, except that she was sad.

"Why is she sitting by herself and not playing with the rest of them?"

"They're afraid of her."

"Why? They don't know who her father was."

"She doesn't know her own strength. Sometimes, without meaning to, she hurts them."

I looked at the girl again. "I want to go talk with her. If you'll wait here for me."

Master Waya frowned in disapproval. "As you wish."

"Hello, what's your name?" I asked the little girl as I sat down beside her.

She looked up at me, a little surprised that someone was actually talking to her, especially a Rainbowian.

"Sari."

"And how is it spelled?"

"S-A-R-I."

"An interesting name for an interesting girl I assume?"

"I guess. But everybody's too afraid to find out. Some of them don't even know my name."

"And why are they afraid of you?"

"Because they don't know me." Sari looked into my eyes, into my mind. "I don't mean to hurt them."

"I know you don't. You just get carried away sometimes."

Sari nodded. "I don't mean to. I just – I haven't really learned to control my strength." She looked up at me again. "I am stronger than them, but … I don't wanna be. Being strong is awfully lonely."

"Yes, but I've heard that you can go through the obstacle course in a minute."

Sari stood up, our eyes now on the same level. "That doesn't matter to me!" She ran away from me, tears in her eyes.

I hadn't meant to make her cry. I chased her through the obstacle course, but lost her. How did she know how to hide her presence in the Force? She was still young, but she was so talented. It was a shame that her talent was being wasted merely because of fear.

I ran and hid in a place where no one would find me. No one knew that there was a hidden tunnel in the second room of the obstacle course. No one had ever used Force repulse because the door was just a leap or two away. But this tunnel would skip the third room, which most people got stuck on, and go directly to the last room. But I wasn't going to the last room. I felt like I wanted to be alone, but that's also what I didn't want. I was tired of being alone … but no one, no one, would ever like me … they would always be afraid …

Long after my sorrow faded I felt people entering the obstacle course. After a couple of them passed me by, I looked out from behind the block that covered the entrance to the tunnel and saw a boy running down the hallway-like part of the second room.

He was older than me, I could tell by the braid that swung wildly as he ran and jumped onto the first platform.

I crawled through the tunnel, wanting to make it to the final room before he did.

He wasn't there when I exited the tunnel. I had probably beaten him. The third room was the hardest room. I quickly opened the locks on the doors with the Force. Then I opened the doors just a little, thinking I could quietly slip out the side …

The boy was there, outside. He had been faster than me …

The boy turned and saw me. "I haven't seen you around. Are you a new padawan? Are you here for the young padawan class?"

I didn't respond.

"You look a little young. Are you a youngling? Do you need help finding your class?"

I didn't want to go back to my class. They didn't want me there anyways. "No, though I might be lost. Is this where the padawans are practicing?" I asked, technically not lying.

"Yes, this is where the younger padawan class is. We were just running through the obstacle course before we start sparring."

Sparring! I had never sparred before because our instructors were always scared that I would hurt someone. I was starting to like this idea of padawan class.

"But, I don't mean to be rude, but you look a little like a youngling instead of a padawan." The boy waved it off. "But that's okay. I'm sure you'll grow. Maybe you're just a late bloomer. Come on, let's go!" The boy said as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the training room.

My class had left. They had forgotten about me … But now young padawans, perhaps 3 or 4 years older than me, stretched and readied themselves for sparring. And I was with them.

I was beaten in nearly every match, minor burns from the practice sabers crossing my body, but I was having such a good time that I didn't care. I couldn't even feel the burns. I was with padawans. I was happy.

Then the padawan's masters came in and they went to their masters. I was again left alone. Someone asked who my master was, but I was too scared and upset to even lie. I wanted to be anywhere but here now. People were staring at me. I felt so utterly alone . . .

I was passing the training room where the younger padawans had been sparring. I saw masters reclaiming their padawans as the class ended, but my attention was focused on a girl standing by herself. She looked familiar. Where was her master?

Then I noticed that she was rather small and didn't have a padawan braid. It was Sari.

I had to get her back to her class. They were probably looking for her.

I went into the room. All eyes turned to me, and a few of the padawans gasped. I hadn't thought that my presence would be amazing to the children who had never seen a live Rainbowian before.

"Sari, come on, let's go. There's plenty more to do today."

She looked at me blankly.

"Let's go." I said again.

Finally she moved towards me and followed me out of the room.

When we were a little ways away, she asked me if her teachers had sent me to find her.

I told her the truth. I told her no.

Her hand grasped mine. It was small, but she squeezed with such a force that I made a small gasp.

And she cried. Her head was down, but I knew.

"I don't wanna go back to my class. They don't want me there."

"I want you there."

"You want me to feel bad because everybody else, even the teachers, are afraid of me? You want me to sit all by myself because no one wants to sit by me?"

"No, I want to see you overcome that."

She looked up at me, her eyes wide. She had never thought of that before. Her arms wrapped around my legs, an embrace. My arms reached down and picked her up. Her arms detached from my legs and wrapped around my neck. And I carried her …

By the time we got to where the younglings were Sari was asleep. The serotonin that my fur gave off from time to time had calmed her into a doze. The instructors got a mat for her, thanking me for finding her. But I knew that they hadn't even noticed that she was gone. I was a little disappointed in them for that.

The other younglings were playing. They were mostly in groups of 2 or more, but there was one kid playing alone. I went to him.

"So, what is your name?"

"Sora." The boy smiled really big.

"So why are you playing by yourself?"

"I was getting bored of playing with the other kids."

I looked over at Sari. She was still asleep. "Can you do something for me?"

"Anything!"

"When she wakes up, will you play with her?" Sora looked over at Sari. A flash of fear crossed his face, but it was replaced by a big smile.

"Yeah, course I can!"

I smiled. I wanted to see Sari overcome this herself, but that didn't mean I wouldn't help her start.

I woke up on a mat. I didn't even remember falling asleep. The Rainbowian was gone.

One of the boys in my class, I didn't remember his name, came up to me.

"Don't know if you remember me, but I'm Sora. Did you want to play with me?"

… The Rainbowian had probably asked him to play with me, but I didn't care. Someone was actually talking to me, wanting to play with me. I almost cried, but instead I smiled and said, "I'd like that."

He smiled at me, but I saw what his smile wouldn't say.

He was still afraid of me …

But this was a start …


End file.
